Survival of the fittest. . . or just plain survival!

Options

2012-01-27T11:53:00.000-03:30

So, I am experiencing a dilemma of sorts in my life. I love working, and more specifically I love teaching. The problem, however, is that the province in which I live is glutted with teachers and there are no jobs for people like me, who are not able to just up and move to the remote communities to 'get my foot in the door'. So, I am here, with a 3 (almost 4) year old and a 2 1/2 year old, trying to figure out what to do with myself.

There are lots of things that I enjoy to do, lots of jobs that I could probably work at and enjoy. The problem, is that there are a number of problems with me doing this. Number one, I don't want to just 'work a job', I want a career. Something I can build and work on, some field in which I can gain experience and expertise that will move me forward and better my abilities. For me, with my training, that would be the education field. I am, however, hoping to do a masters program in counselling psychology. This would give me a leg up in the education system in our province, but would also leave a number of doors outside of the education system wide open for me. It does, however, take time to complete this. Not to mention actually getting into the program.

The second problem is childcare. This is something I often complain about, and I'm sure you'll read about in the future. Childcare for me would cost at least 300-400 dollars A WEEK. That means 600-800 dollars bi-weekly. In order to justify me leaving the house and paying childcare in order to work, I would have to take home (after taxes and whatnot) at least 1500 dollars bi-weekly. I cannot justify putting my children in childcare and going outside of the house to work unless I'm actually making some money after it's all said and done. Finding a job that pays that much is not just improbably, but nearly impossible. That being said, right now I am able to receive employment insurance benefits, because we moved for my husbands job and my contract in my previous position was up. When that is out, I have to figure something out. We just can't survive on one income these days.

So, what are my options? Obviously I can't just stay home and take care of my kids until they hit school-age. Though, it's pointless for me to go out and get a "job" as well, since I won't be making enough money to justify it. I can go back to school, but that's going to take a while to finish and I need to make some money while I'm doing that. We can't really move for a job, because my husband just started this really great job that he loves and that can be really beneficial for us. So what does that leave me with?

I guess I can take kids into my home and provide childcare for other children, as well as my own. Even then, with my two, if I take two more children, I'm still only making about 600 every two weeks, plus having to spend extra on groceries for snacks and lunches. It's not a huge amount of money, but it is a help. It is an option.

I would love to be able to start up my own sort of stay-at-home business, but I really don't have any ideas for one. Cake decorators are a dime a dozen (and I'm not sure I'd be able to do that well), there are photographers everywhere you turn these days (and I'm not sure I'd really enjoy that). I'd love to make things to sell, or to plan things like birthday parties and baby showers, but I'm not sure how much demand there really is for that around here. I just don't know what my options are for this. I guess, as well, I'm not really sure what my abilities and skills are, or if I even have anything to offer anybody.

I tend to think that I'm not alone in these problems. I can't imagine that there are many people that can afford childcare at the prices that are being charged. And I can't imagine that these people find it any easier to live on one income than we do. It's nearly impossible to have children and to financially survive these days, unless you have two solid incomes coming in, and perhaps some family around to fill childcare gaps.

I'm sure we'll figure everything out, and maybe I'll come up with something to do at home. For now, though, I'm at a crossroads.

Potty Training, take 2

2012-01-26T22:19:00.000-03:30

Ok, so I'm the worst blogger in the history of bloggers. I do realize that I will never have followers when writing like this. In my defense, it's really hard to find time to sit, think, and put together sentences that make me sound like I have a working brain. That being said, I think it just might help me to feel a little productive in the run of a week, though I'm not quite sure why.

So, the last time I checked in we were in the process of potty training child number 1. I am happy to say that child number 1 is not fully potty trained, and even goes through the night without accidents. I know, you would hope that he would be after this long. He's great at using the potty, and is even beginning to wipe his own bum. That's the good news. The bad news, is that we still have to go through this again, with another (more stubborn) child. We started with child number 2 before Christmas, probably about 2 months ago now. He was definitely ready, and started asking to use the potty. The child has since decided, however, that using the potty is too much work and that it's really rather funny to pee and poop on the floor. Two months later, and we are still trying to get him to use the potty properly.

Now, I know that some of you are thinking, "Just keep at it, he'll get the hang of it eventually", and others are thinking, "He's just obviously not ready yet, give it a couple of months". My problem is that I am torn between the two viewpoints. The stubborn part of me refuses to give up, and the rational part of me just thinks that in a few months he might be ready. The thing is, I'm very ready to stop wasting my money on pull-ups and diapers and whatnot. I'm very ready to be free of all of it.

On top of that, we have taken the bedtime bottle away from child #2. This is another horrific experience as a parent. The child has a complete meltdown every night before bed. We had to take it away, because he was waking up several times throughout the night for a refill of the bottle. Plus, he's almost 3 years old, and is MORE than old enough to be giving it up. I think in order to understand how dramatic the reaction is, I think you'd have to know the child and see how stubborn and strong-willed he is. It's 30-45 minutes of pure torture at bedtime. On the bright side, when he FINALLY goes to sleep, he sleeps so much better than before! So, totally worth it.

On the happy side of parenting, my oldest child turns 4 in a week! So, I'm planning a smurftastic birthday party for him! I had looked at ordering all of the supplies, but then decided to make it all myself. I'll take some pictures and blog about the party when it's done (I know, you're thinking 'yeah, right').

I feel like I have a whole lot of blogs brewing in my head, so there are a number of topics you can look forward to me writing about. These include: smurfy birthday party ideas; childcare; and several about being a stay-at-home-mom. These have been brewing for a while, so you can expect some pretty opinionated stuff in these blogs.

The Joys of Potty Training

2011-10-13T14:37:00.001-02:30

Why do we use toilets?

I started potty training this summer, and have asked myself that question more times than I can count. Why can't we all just wear diapers and save ourselves the time and effort? I am at my wits end with trying to teach my 3 year old to use the potty.

I started over the summer, and it was going really well. I used the rewards chart (that I made myself), I patiently put him on the potty every 30 mintues and cleaned up pee and poop from the floor all day long. I encouraged and spun everything positively. . . and then it happened. He started to go to the potty on his own, we went days at a time without accidents. . . for the most part, he was potty trained. The only time we had accidents was if he couldn't make it to the potty in time, or if he couldn't find a bathroom. Even on our across-province trip, we made it without any accidents.

Now, 3 months later, I'm finding him hiding in corners to pee and poop. I am again cleaning pee and poop up off the floor, the toilet seat, etc. I am completely out of ideas as to how to handle this. I've tried the advice I've read from all of the 'experts', telling me to clean it up matter-of-factly and not punish him, but to encourage him and remind him to use the potty. However, this is not working. It's embarrassing, because we hired a sitter and told her that he was mostly potty trained, but he's had an accident nearly every day since he's been there! I'm out of patience.

I think the most frustrating this is that my child is very intelligent. I know that a lot of mothers' say that about their children, and think their children are so smart and handsome and perfect. I, however, do not have perfect child syndrome. I can admit the faults of my children, however I am proud of their strengths. My child is very smart, always has been. I KNOW that he knows the difference. He will even sometimes do it just for spite, if we put him in time-out for example. I feel like it's just about him showing us that he can and will pee and poop wherever he wants to. How do I even BEGIN to deal with this.

Maybe we'll just become a family that uses diapers. . .

I'm back. . . for now!

2011-09-25T08:10:00.004-02:30

So, having a consistent blogging lifestyle is obviously not a thing I'm good at. However, with the kids getting older and more independant, I find myself having more time on my hands to do some reading and writing, and other activities I enjoy that don't require leaving the house or leaving them 'unsupervised'. I have also found myself craving a writing outlet, somewhere to write about both the mundane and important events in my life. And so, I find myself reviving my old blog, renaming it, and giving it a go once again.

Needless to say, a lot has happened since 2009, my last blogpost. I continued to work in the same school until June of this year (2011). In May, we moved our family to another community, as my husband was requested to make the move by his boss. For a full month I stayed with a friend while my family was living 4 hours away. It was torture, and quite depressing! But we survived it.

Over the summer my husband was noticing some pretty gross things happening at his work, things that were both unethical AND bordering illegal, and so he decided to leave. He now has a new job that makes him very happy, and now I am the one doing the job hunting. It seems like we aren't meant to both hold down permanent jobs at the same time.

While we are loving our move, and we are very happy with our decision with regards to Brad's work, we have continued to face issues. The first being childcare. It's crazy how much people are charging for childcare! For us to have both of our children with a childcare provider, the cost range that we have found is from 1200-1500 dollars a month! And some of these people are just working out of their homes and taking in like 5-6 kids! Needless to say, I think I've gone into the wrong educational field. I should have spent less time in school and done an ECE diploma. I could have easily had a job, and I could have done WELL. On top of it, I wouldn't have to wonder what to do with my kids when I'm working. But, it is what it is. I am what I am. Luckily, we lucked into a young mom a couple of streets down who would take the boys for the same as what we were paying at our previous sitter, and she is flexible about the days (will do part time or full time). Hopefully I'll get LOTS of working days and we'll make good use of her. We'll see!

kid obsession

2009-11-15T15:57:00.002-03:30

So, something that I've noticed since I've had children is that you become OBSESSED with everything child. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I always for some reason relate it back to my children. I would feel extremely weird and guilty about that, but it seems that other mothers experience the same phenomenon.

What happened for me to become so aware of this in my life? I had a weekend in which I actually got OUT of the house without children to SOCIALIZE (I know. . . I actually had time to socialize! It's an amazing thing. . .). Anyhow, they had a double baby shower on Friday night for two of the teachers on staff (one had her baby 6 weeks ago, and the other is due in January). So, I left the boys home with Brad and went out to the shower. I don't know if the fact that it was a baby shower, and so sort of ABOUT babies to begin with, aggravated the situation, but I spent the WHOLE night thinking about my babies and we spent a LOT of time talking about out children and our experiences with them.

Anyways, that's my story. Not a lot of point, sort of a 'so what?' blog, but that's my recent revelation so I thought I'd blog it.

On another note, the Olympic flag passed through our town on Saturday night. We tried to take our oldest baby to see it, but he wasn't that cooperative about it. My husband ended up having to take him home, so I had to see the flame alone. Well, not really alone, I was with friends, but without my husband and baby :( It was really anti-climatic. I was so excited about actually seeing the flame, but it came through later than I had thought, so I was frozen. Not to mention that the people on the field seemed REALLY unenthusiastic about it. I was really surprised that there wasn't more energy and excitement there. Anyhow, at least now I can say that I saw it, and I can tell Isaac and Andrew about it when they get older. I have to say, I'm excited about the olympics this year. YAY 2010!!

hermit. . .

2009-10-25T09:29:00.002-02:30

Yes, I have become a cyber hermit. Meaning, I have somehow found myself a recluse from the world of internet. I do manage to check facebook every so often, however I find myself going days without managing to log on. Twitter has become a non-existant part of my life, as has this blog, it seems.

There are several thing that have contributed to my hermitism (is that a word, haha). First off, I don't think that women who have 2 babies under 2 are meant to be able to work, take care of house and family, and also have a internet life. Add that to a husband who is often away working and taking the computer with him, and that leaves close to NO opportunities to participate in the world of online connections.

It feels very strange, to be honest. Since the internet has become commonplace (since sr. high or so for me, I guess), I have NEVER NOT been able to be involved in the community. Whether it be MSN messenger, email, online gaming, etc etc, I've always had access and the ability to get online and be "a part of the world". When I can't do that, I always feel like I'm "out of the loop" so to speak. . . as if there's this whole world there and I'm missing it, as if everyone else has a secret club that I keep missing the meetings for, and so I have no idea what's going on. Since I'm not much of a "people person", and I don't really have time for friends at the moment, the internet is really my only connection to the world outside of the school and my house. So I guess my feelings are justified, since I am "out of the loop" in life.

When we moved into this community, I had originally been really excited. We have friends here, there are a lot of young couples in the church, we have friends in communities nearby. . . then I started work and life started. Since I started work, I don't think that we've really "hung out" with anybody. This weekend, for example, I got home from work at about 2:30 Friday afternoon. It is now 9:45 on Sunday morning and I have yet to step foot outside of the house. Between nursing a sick child and trying to catch up on housework (which I have decided is a futile endeavor) and trying to get some correcting done, my time has been monopolized. There is no space for a social life right this moment.

I laugh when people say "but Lesley, you need to make sure that you make time for yourself. You come first" because it's a pile of . . . um . . . baloney. If I were to make time for myself and leave my sick child at home, or have a dirty house, or have work half finished, then I'd be selfish, lazy, dirty, etc etc. I don't mind not having time to myself right now, because I know that I'll do SOMETHING for myself down the road. But I certainly don't need people to pressure me to make MYSELF a priority when I'm already working hard at getting all of my other priorities done.

Now, after saying all of that, I probably sound extremely unhappy. I'm not. I'm actually fairly content with my life at this point. Aside from the obvious darkness that settled in when my father died (which will never go away), everything else is fairly good. I enjoy my boys. I find coming home after a stressful day in school, my boys make the stress fizzle away. They take me to the happiest, most contented place that exists for me. I don't mind if being a working mom means that I don't get to do things for myself, I'd rather not sacrifice the little time that I get to spend with the boys now to do things for me anyhow. The thought of a 'weekend away' without the boys is not appealing to me. I hardly see them during the week as it is, the weekend is when I get to spend what little time I can with them! As for my lack on internet time. . . some of that is my own fault. The time I DO get on the internet I usually spend catching up on my stalking of people. By the time I check my 2 email accounts (3 sometimes), get on facebook and check my messages and stalk my friends, I have spent a good 1/2 hour (sometimes more) and there is something urgent that needs my attention (for example, yesterday Isaac got into the food colouring and it was all over him. . . can't write a blog while that's happening!).

Anyhow, basically, this is why I have been non-existent. . . I have become a recluse, totally enveloped in the world of my babies and my classroom. Perhaps I'll make more effort to MAKE time for my blog. However, I wouldn't hold my breath on a new entry every day :)

happy birthday Laura!

2009-08-31T22:21:00.001-02:30

I'm taking a step away from the "mommy blog" to wish my baby sister a happy 25th birthday! So. . . Happy Birthday Laura, hope you've had a fabulous day!

Road Trip. . . with two babies. . . yeah. . .

2009-08-26T22:58:00.003-02:30

Well, I believe the title says it all. Oh wait, it doesn't tell WHERE the road trip was, which is quite significant. . .

So, we decided that we would take a trip to visit my husband's parents. Now, my in-laws do not live in your average community. My in-laws live in a town called Charlottetown, which is located in the Labrador section of Newfoundland and Labrador, the province in which we live.

Charlottetown is a beautiful community. I just want to make sure that I make that very clear. It's a wonderful town with wonderful people. Now, that being said, it is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. We left our house at 5:30 in the morning to drive to the boat to take us to Labrador. We drove the 2 1/2 hours (or so) to Deer Lake, stopped to eat, and then began the drive from Deer Lake to St. Barbe (up the Northern Peninsula, where we had to catch the ferry). That drive is about 4 hours. We then took the ferry across, which was another 1 1/2 hours. Once we got to Labrador, we drove the beautiful drive through until we got to Red Bay (perhaps another 2 hours. . .give or take). Then we started the drive from Red Bay to Charlotte town. On gravel road. For 3 1/2 hours. On gravel road. With two very tired, very antsy babies. Did I mention it was on gravel road? haha. . . anyhow, after it was all said and done, we arrived in Charlottetown at about 7:30 pm.

This was on Thursday. Yesterday (Tuesday) we left to come back. We left the house at 4:30 am so that we could catch the ferry at 10:30 am. We drove the dirt road. Trust me, I have never in my life been so happy to see pavement! It was CRAZY! Anyhow, by the time we got home yesterday (Brad had to run some business in Deer Lake), it was 9:30 pm. What a horrific day!! But, we made it home. Although, now our children never want to see their car seats again. They were livid when we tried to put them in their seats to run out for a bit today.

It's amazing, though, what you have to consider when travelling with babies. Especially with babies so young, to somewhere so remote. Making sure we have enough formula, enough homogonized milk (we couldn't get any up there), enough diapers. Making sure to allow time to change diapers and to stop and eat. Finding a way to keep the mixed formula cool for the long day, and then trying to find a way to warm the milk when my baby needed it. And trying to pack the vehicle in order to fit everything you need for two babies is a feat in and of itself. Trying to fit two strollers (we have yet to find a suitable double stroller), the playpen, and luggage for the 4 of us. . . not to mention Brad's work supplies and the supplies I had to bring to try to get some work done for me. Obviously, we can't put anything in the back seat, since there are two car seats there already and there needs to be space between them for me when I have to feed Andrew. Thankfully, we had the good sense to buy an SUV in order to pack all of our things in. CRAZY. I remember the days when all we had to do was pack a suitcase each and throw them in the car to go. We won't see those days again for a while.

Despite all of the work, it's a wonderful feeling to put your family in the car and to go on a roadtrip. To have my oldest in the back watching a movie, and my youngest sleeping, with myself and my husband listening to the classics on the ipod in the front. To see my oldest child be so excited about being on the boat and seeing the water, waves, and whales that are inevitable when you take a ferry ride to Labrador. I so look forward to when the boys will actually be able to enjoy things like sight-seeing and museums and other road-trip/vacation type activities. I can't wait until those types of trips become common-place and we can document them in scrapbooks with pictures and stories. . .

Sleepless night. . .

2009-08-17T06:07:00.003-02:30

or is it morning? Either way, it's not for the reasons you would think when you have two babies. My babies and husband are slumbering peacefully and quietly in their beds (my oldest in my bed with my husband) while I CANNOT for the life of me get to sleep! Where is the justice? I woke up at about 5 am (maybe earlier, but 5 is when I actually bothered to look at the clock) and could NOT get back to sleep. Since I haven't had time to blog in what feels like a lifetime, I decided perhaps I should take advantage of these moments without children demanding my attention and update. . .

Life had been hectic and crazy. We haven't stopped! From Gander to Deer Lake to Robert's Arm (today), running Kids Rock Camp. . . it's been nuts. The wonderful thing about being so busy, however, is that it knocks the kids right out. I've discovered that while being busy is exhausting for me, it's wonderful to be able to have both kids in bed by 9 and get an hour or two for myself before it's time to go to bed.

One of the hardest parts of being a mom for me is the lack of time to myself. I grew up in a family where time to yourself was a MUST for everybody. We were a family of 4 in a big house that had 4 TVs in different corners. While we spent time together, and were a wonderful family, we also had our own little corner of the house (for myself and my sister, our bedrooms) to which we could go to get our personal alone time. We didn't have issues with reconciling what one liked in opposition to the other. We had our own space to do our own thing/watch our own thing. It was wonderful, really. That quiet time/personal space was such a blessing.

Now, however, life no longer works like that for me. I have two babies that are in high demand of mom's attention, so I can't run off to my room for alone time very often (even though I have made very clear that there MUST be a TV in my bedroom for that purpose). If my husband is watching golf on TV, which drives me MAD, I can't go off to my own corner, because there is somebody who needs me to do something for them. . . always. If somebody is not demanding something, there is something that needs to be done around the house.

Now, my time is consumed of feeding people, cleaning up after people, and entertaining small people. Totally "other" oriented. I don't really have a problem with that as such, my personality is such that I need to take care of people, it's who I am. However there are days when I close my eyes and think back to the days of going to my room, closing my door, and watching tv or reading a book with nobody to disturb me and no stress about what I'm not getting done around the house.

I've come to realize that the problem with adulthood is not necessarily the responsibilites, despite the increase in them. It's that we become more anal about them. 15 years ago, I would not have cared if the house was a mess, or if my room was a mess, while I watched TV. Who cares about the mess? I would have liked my mess. Now? Now if I'm sitting down for any amount of time I feel guilty because there MUST be a bathroom that needs to be cleaned or floors that need to be swept or clothes that need to be washed. Why do we become so anal about everything? Is there REALLY any harm if there are a few crumbs on the floor for a couple of hours (although really, there are permanent crumbs when you have children. . . whether you clean them or not)? I don't know. . . are we justified in being so obsessive about these things?

Anyhow, it's too late to try to get more sleep now. I'll have to sleep on the way to Robert's Arm (if my babies let me). I'm going to go, though, and try to get "things done" before we leave. . . lunches packed, clothes picked out, and somewhere in there I have to find time to get MYSELF ready. . . of course, that comes last. . .

PS. . . we found a baby-sitter for the fall!! Our good friends (who also have a 5 month old daughter) are going to attempt the great feat. . . they (the couple) are going to try to take care of the three children (including their own) while my husband and I are at work. We're so happy that it will be people that we love and trust taking care of our kids. . . such a relief!!

long time, no blog. . .now a working mom!

2009-07-30T14:40:00.004-02:30

Life has been super busy. . .

I know, it tends to get that way with two children. However, between the boys, my husband's business trips, Kid's Rock Camp (which I am in the middle of), and my baby's christening, I am pooped!

As if it isn't enough to have two children, I am spending the week at the infamous Camp Emmanuel (at least, infamous to any pentecostal newfoundlander, haha) running, along with two other people, a children's camp. The first half of the week was camp for the western part of our province, and today at 3 registration for the eastern camp begins. So, along with my 2 boys, I now have partial responsibility for hundreds of other children (in total). Crazy? maybe!!

The camp has been awesome, and it never ceases to amaze me how in love with children I am. I love working with them, relating to them, hearing them. I love watching them interact with each other and with the adults around them. Mostly, I love watching them discover new things about God and realizing the importance of Him in their lives. There are many times that I envy them, with their amazing ability to believe and to accept things. I often find myself trying to find remnants of that in my inner core. . . not sure if it exists there anymore.

As a side note: I HAVE A JOB. . . which means that starting the beginning of September, I will be a working mom. Along with my own 2 children, I will have a class of grade 3 students that will also become my own children. . . that I will care for and spend time with. . . that I will connect with and learn with. . . I'm really excited! I feel like I've been waiting forever to have my own classroom and to have my own experience as a teacher. That being said, I feel torn about leaving my boys. I don't mind as much with my oldest, because he's older and he knows the difference between me and other people. I just do NOT want my youngest growing up thinking somebody else is mom, or being more attached with somebody else other than me. I guess it's a matter of playing a balancing act. . . making sure that the time you are at home is quality time with your babies. . . at least that's what I am hoping to attempt.

The wonderful thing is that my husband will probably be able to take care of the babies for at least half a day, so we'll only need a part time baby-sitter. And my position is only 75%, so I'm not sure what that will look like. There may be times that I can be at home. . . which is wonderful. . .

sleep. . . a foreign concept

2009-07-18T23:04:00.003-02:30

Sleep: A natural state of bodily rest in which there is a decreased ability to react to stimuli. REGULAR SLEEP IS ESSENTIAL FOR SURVIVAL.

I'm not sure how exactly to get this message across to my oldest child. He is almost 18 months old and is still a HORRIBLE sleeper. As of late, he has been sleeping with us in order for us to maximize sleep hours. However, this has backfired on us. While we get to escape having to wake up and try to get him back in bed (which may take anywhere from 15 - 30 minutes otherwise), we now have to deal with feet, hands, head, and bum in our face, on our head, chest, hips, legs, etc. He is at the head of the bed one moment, and at the foot the next. Then, he decides that neither of those is quite right and it would be better to lay sideways to get sleep. We have a queen sized bed, and our 18 month old son (who is small for his age) takes up about 2/3 of it (if not more). My husband and I, more often than not, end up clinging for dear life to the edge of the bed (my husband sleeps inside so he is protected by the wall, I don't have that luxury, haha). I don't understand the child. How can he function during the day? and then he'll wake up at 9 or 9:30 in the morning REARING to go. . .

What's even MORE frustrating, is when you hear about babies that are 2 months old sleeping RIGHT through the night! I used to get so frustrated with that. . . I couldn't understand why my child wouldn't do that. How is it that one child never sleeps, while other children sleep right through? It's even more frustrating (although, a welcomed change) that my 3 month old child sleeps throught the night better than my 18 month old. My 3 month old goes to bed and will sleep for 6 hours straight (ex. 11 pm until 5 am). How can two siblings be so different?

Apparently, it's a family trait, though. I was a horrible sleeper (and still am, I wake with the least little thing), my cousin used to wake up during the night for a snack until he was 11 years old. . . and then he still woke up, but he just got his own snack! I just don't know what to do about the sleep situation.

I don't think there's any need for him to be waking up during the night. He's only a small boy, and he eats all day long! We've tried the "crying it out" method, but after 4 hours of crying, and not letting up, and throwing up everywhere, we decided that the method just was not going to work with our child. We tried taking his nap from him during the day, and it was even WORSE during the night to keep him asleep.

Ultimately, I keep trying to tell myself that it won't be like this forever. Eventually he'll grow up and I'll probably be wishing that he were sleeping in our bed again, cuddling into us throughout the night. However, lack of sleep is making me a little crazy. I have become forgetful, stun, and ultimately I feel like I'm sleep-walking my way through the days most of the time. My husband is wonderful and we share the load, but that just means that we're BOTH exhausted all of the time.

I love my babies, but I would love to have a little sleep as well, haha. I'm not going to wish my time away, but I refuse to quit trying to find ways to make my sleeping situation better. Feel free to comment and leave suggestions!

exhaustion

2009-07-12T19:40:00.002-02:30

I was going to title this blog "pooped", but I realized that people might get the wrong idea and think that I was writing, yet again, about the importance of poop in my life. I will start, however, by saying that the poop situation in this house has been wonderful (and very stinky) as of late, which makes me very happy.

I just need to send out a little "kudos" to the people who parent alone. . . single moms and dads. . . I'm not quite sure how you survive it! Last week my husband was away for a week on business. I was left to take care of a 17 month old and a 2 month old. . . hence the title of this blog. Luckily for me, my mother is off for the summer and came is as reinforcement. However, I don't like to leave the parenting to my mother, she should get to enjoy grandparenting, so the responsiblity fell on me. I just had an extra set of hands when I had two children demanding attention of some kind at the same time. Thank God for mothers. . .

Anyhow, we split the time up between my house and my mom's house. Either way, though, I ended up with my oldest baby in the bed with me. I'm not sure how many of you have attempted to sleep with a 17 month old, or even if all 17 month olds are like mine, but I am aching and tired. He tosses and turns all night long, one minute he's at the head of the bed, the next minute at the foot. I've been kicked in the face, gotten hands in my face. . . he's tried to lay on my stomach, side, chest, face, bum, legs, etc etc. . . on top of that, I had my 2 month old in a playpen next to me. Which meant that every little sound and movement that he made had me awake, aside from the one or two times a night that he wakes anyhow (when he's sleeping in his playpen especially).

So, all of that to say. . . I'm exhausted. When you have children, you really learn what true exhaustion is all about. There is no end to the lack of sleep, and there is never any time to catch up! I felt the exhaustion when I just had one child, but now that I have two it seems like I can never get a reprieve!

I love my children, I wouldn't give them up for anything. It doesn't matter how exhausted you are, the exhaustion just doesn't matter. I enjoy my boys, I am excited about them, and look forward to seeing them every morning when I wake up. It's amazing how, with your children, even this level of exhaustion can't change that.

SIDENOTE:

My sister is FINALLY home! SO exciting! I'm really looking forward to getting to spend lots of time with her over the summer. . .

poop

2009-07-04T14:33:00.005-02:30

It is impossible to know just how wonderful a thing poop is until you have children. When babies are involved, poop is both exciting and wonderful. I have re-realized how wonderful poop is this week.

Before you have babies, the idea of changing a poopy diaper is enough to produce stomach-wrenching urges for many. Once the babies get here, however, that all changes (for some/most). Before I had my own babies, I tolerated changing poopy diapers, but was slightly disgusted with the task. My babies' poop, however, is a very natural thing to me. I've had poop from head to toe (on me), and it doesn't bother me in the least. I've been changing poopy diapers when, suddenly, poop has started to pour out of the bum again. Doesn't phase me, though.

All of that being said, I have very stinky children. There are many times when my husband and I negotiate/debate/fight about who should change the poopy diapers. Even if you don't mind the actual poop, you HAVE to be slightly nauseated by the SMELL of my children. I was reminded again this week, however, how wonderful poopy diapers are.

My oldest child spent all night on Monday and the morning of Tuesday in pain. He'd be fine one minute, and then doubled over and squealing in pain the next. We took him to the hospital and they thought it might be something called intussusception (I'd create a link to explain what it is, but I haven't figure out how yet. . .). They did an x-ray that showed no sign of it, but said that sometimes it doesn't show up in an x-ray. At that point, I was fairly certain that it was just constipation, but since intussusception can be serious I wanted to be certain. They said that he needed an ultrasound, but the technician in Grand Falls apparently "didn't feel qualified" to do an ultrasound on a baby (I could write a WHOLE other post on my annoyance with this). Anyhow, they decided that my poor baby needed to be sent on a 4 hour ambulance ride to the Janeway FOR AN ULTRASOUND! They put an IV in his hand, which he tried to pull out (but didn't get it out at first). Then they decided that they needed to put a tube down his nose as a precaution. Well, that was QUITE the ordeal! When they finally got it down, he ended up pulling it out and pulling out his IV along with it. They tried again, with no success. Anyhow, they ended up (because I was showing my annoyance) deciding to just re-insert the IV and leave the tube. We waited for about 5 hours (maybe more) for an ambulance to pick us up to bring us in there. We got in there, waited around forever for an ultrasound (luckily, they had movies and stuff there). The ultrasound showed that it was NOT intussesception, but just severe constipation. Anyhow, we were admitted, and went to bed, and they have him an enema the next morning to get him to poop. We were discharged by 11 am, which was wonderful, but just ADDED to my annoyance that we had to go in there for that to begin with!!

Anyhow, I have said all of that just to say that poop is a wonderful thing. You realize this even more when you have a child that can't poop!

aside. . .

2009-06-28T11:33:00.002-02:30

This entry is sort of an "aside" to the life of a mom. . . although it doesn't feel like an aside in my life.

Yesterday was the first Ray Palmer Legacy Foundation golf tournament. Some of my dad's friends that he golfed with (some of them he's been friends with for years, way before golf came on his radar) got together and decided that his life was special and important, and that somebody so extraordinary needed to be acknowledged in an extraordinary way. They developed the Ray Palmer Legacy Foundation. The foundation has started two scholarships presented to students at two different schools. The first is presented in EVI, where my dad last taught (on the island). It goes to a student who has overcome adversity and is involved in technology and likes to share technology with others. The second is presented at Dorset Collegiate (since GBS has changed and no longer has grade 7 - 9 students) and goes to a student who has overcome adversity and is involved in physical education and likes to share physical education in a positive way. In order to fund the scholarships, they have developed a golf tournament in which people pay money to play, and company's can sponser holes and donate money.

On friday, the first award was presented to a student at EVI by a member of the committee and myself. I went there thinking that I was strong and could handle it, but as soon as my dad's picture was placed on the screen, the emotions started. I don't know if it was the picture, if it was because I've been feeling it even more lately than before, or if it was the reaction of the school (students and staff) when THEY saw the picture. . . it may have been a combination of both. Anyhow, I did manage to go up there and present the scholarship to the boy who won. At first I wasn't impressed because the student was a grade 7 student who would have never met my dad. But then, he came up and he was SO sweet and seemed so THANKFUL. . . he seemed to understand the significance and importance of being chosen for the scholarship. I felt somehow ok with it, and was happy to see him get the award. The second scholarship will be presented in Dorset in the fall. . .

The tournament was yesterday, which was crazy hard for me. I didn't go golfing, but went to the "social" afterwards. I ended up having to play with Isaac and avoid pictures/stories/etc. I'm so happy that people could do that, that people are affected by my dad's death. . . I guess I'm happy that people are sad and emotional, it seems like the whole world should be crying. It's not everyday that somebody as fantastic as my dad leaves the world. He was literally an extraordinary person and should be acknowledged for that!

Anyhow, that's all of the aside I get because I now have a child crying for me. . . sometimes I'm very thankful that my children keep me so busy!

The Runaway Mom

2009-06-25T13:26:00.002-02:30

Ok, so I am obviously having one of those days. You know, the kind where you feel like you might just run out the door at any moment and never look back? The kind of day where your children take EVERYTHING that you have and try every part of your patience. . .

The morning was wonderful, Andrew slept for a lot of it and Brad was home to help out. I got a chance to clean the bathroom and do the floors, so I thought I was having a pretty good day.

Then Brad has to leave for a lunch meeting.

Isaac decides to get tired and need a nap.

Andrew wakes up.

I put Andrew in his swing, where he was content for the time being and decided to try to Isaac to go down for a nap. That would free up a couple of hours, and after I fed Andrew I would have some time to myself and be able to get some things done around the house.

Isaac's eyes were HEAVY, I brought him in the room under his fan (he was warm) and sort of walked/sang/shook him until he was asleep. I, happily, placed him on his bed thinking I'd head out to Andrew and get him situated. As I was putting Isaac on the bed, he started BLARING and CLINGING to me for dear life! I thought, OK, he wasn't asleep enough. Took him up, and started the process all over again. In the middle of the "process", Andrew decided to have a huge poop and start crying to be changed. When Isaac was dead weight in my arms and breathing pretty steadily/heavily, I tried once again to put him down so I could go take care of my other screaming child. I went to put him on his bed and, much to my dismay, the SAME THING happened!

Andrew needed to be changed so I put Isaac down and let him cry and spit and snot until I got Andrew's bum changed. Then I put Andrew back in his swing and tried Isaac again. I waited longer this time, but once again he freaked out when I tried to put him down. I took him up and once again Andrew started crying as well, needing to be fed. So, I came out on the couch, got Andrew out of his swing. At this point, I had Isaac in one arm and Andrew in the other, using the same hand that was holding Andrew to feed him, and Isaac was getting mad because he could lay down in my arms.

After a while, Isaac gave in and went to sleep upright. I got excited and decided, once Andrew had enough milk, to try him again. Guess what happened. . .

Anyhow, Andrew was content to I layed him on the couch where he could see me and brought Isaac out and held him in my arms while I sat next to Andrew trying to entertain him. Isaac once again went to sleep and I, in my stubborn way, decided that I needed to try to bring him in to his bed again. I held my breath, prayed to the dear Lord for mercy, and brought him into his room.

HE STAYED!!!

I then came out, got Andrew and rocked/finished feeding him, and HE WENT TO SLEEP AS WELL! So, I have had about 5 minutes of peace, and since I started writing this have calmed down a bit. I no longer feel like running away, I now feel like staying forever :)

Just an average day in my house. . .

An introduction to. . .

2009-06-24T12:28:00.003-02:30

I have started this blog on the suggestion of my lovely sister, who is an avid blogger herself. She has suggested that I blog about our sleeping rituals in my house. I have decided, however, to make this an account of my life as a mother (and wife). When you're a mother, there are lots of lovely, exciting things that happen throughout the day.

For example, this morning, my oldest child (who, mind you, is still only 16 months old) was standing next to the swing holding his little brother and was kissing and talking to him. I thought, how sweet, he loves his little brother so much! I then look at the floor adn see a huge puddle. I think, where in the world did that come from? Since my children both wear diapers, I thought Isaac must have gotten into some water or something. Unfortunately, upon further investigation, I discover that my hypothesis was incorrect. Unfortunately, the puddle was pee. Isaac's diaper obviously could not hold up after all night. I made Brad clean up the pee, haha. . .

So, I guess for those of you who are reading this and may not know me. . . I am a 27 year old mother of two. My oldest child is 16 months old, my youngest is 2 months old (tomorrow, in fact). They are fantastic children, for the most part. I won't give away too much information, because my blogs will be based on them and you'll get to know them as I write in the future. My oldest child is named Isaac, and my youngset child is named Andrew (in case you need to know that for future reference). I am married to Brad, who has just switched careers from Pastor to Insurance Salesman. We have just moved and are trying to settle into a new town.

I am a teacher. At least, I am trying to be one. I have applied for jobs for September and had an interview this morning. I am hoping that I'll get at least a part time job for September (in fact, a part time job would be ideal with my boys being so young). I love children and teaching, I have enjoyed my time substituting. However, I feel that it is now time to have my own classroom and to have my own group of students to invest in.

My life has been a roller coaster the past couple of years, and so I am trying to get myself back in order and to get a sense of normalcy in my life. I suppose this blog can be considered a therapy for me, or at least a way for me to organize my thoughts in a productive way.

Stay tuned. . . there will be much more interesting (or boring, depending on your perspective) and specific blogs to come. . .