kid obsession

So, something that I've noticed since I've had children is that you become OBSESSED with everything child. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I always for some reason relate it back to my children. I would feel extremely weird and guilty about that, but it seems that other mothers experience the same phenomenon.

What happened for me to become so aware of this in my life? I had a weekend in which I actually got OUT of the house without children to SOCIALIZE (I know. . . I actually had time to socialize! It's an amazing thing. . .). Anyhow, they had a double baby shower on Friday night for two of the teachers on staff (one had her baby 6 weeks ago, and the other is due in January). So, I left the boys home with Brad and went out to the shower. I don't know if the fact that it was a baby shower, and so sort of ABOUT babies to begin with, aggravated the situation, but I spent the WHOLE night thinking about my babies and we spent a LOT of time talking about out children and our experiences with them.

Anyways, that's my story. Not a lot of point, sort of a 'so what?' blog, but that's my recent revelation so I thought I'd blog it.

On another note, the Olympic flag passed through our town on Saturday night. We tried to take our oldest baby to see it, but he wasn't that cooperative about it. My husband ended up having to take him home, so I had to see the flame alone. Well, not really alone, I was with friends, but without my husband and baby :( It was really anti-climatic. I was so excited about actually seeing the flame, but it came through later than I had thought, so I was frozen. Not to mention that the people on the field seemed REALLY unenthusiastic about it. I was really surprised that there wasn't more energy and excitement there. Anyhow, at least now I can say that I saw it, and I can tell Isaac and Andrew about it when they get older. I have to say, I'm excited about the olympics this year. YAY 2010!!

hermit. . .

Yes, I have become a cyber hermit. Meaning, I have somehow found myself a recluse from the world of internet. I do manage to check facebook every so often, however I find myself going days without managing to log on. Twitter has become a non-existant part of my life, as has this blog, it seems.

There are several thing that have contributed to my hermitism (is that a word, haha). First off, I don't think that women who have 2 babies under 2 are meant to be able to work, take care of house and family, and also have a internet life. Add that to a husband who is often away working and taking the computer with him, and that leaves close to NO opportunities to participate in the world of online connections.

It feels very strange, to be honest. Since the internet has become commonplace (since sr. high or so for me, I guess), I have NEVER NOT been able to be involved in the community. Whether it be MSN messenger, email, online gaming, etc etc, I've always had access and the ability to get online and be "a part of the world". When I can't do that, I always feel like I'm "out of the loop" so to speak. . . as if there's this whole world there and I'm missing it, as if everyone else has a secret club that I keep missing the meetings for, and so I have no idea what's going on. Since I'm not much of a "people person", and I don't really have time for friends at the moment, the internet is really my only connection to the world outside of the school and my house. So I guess my feelings are justified, since I am "out of the loop" in life.

When we moved into this community, I had originally been really excited. We have friends here, there are a lot of young couples in the church, we have friends in communities nearby. . . then I started work and life started. Since I started work, I don't think that we've really "hung out" with anybody. This weekend, for example, I got home from work at about 2:30 Friday afternoon. It is now 9:45 on Sunday morning and I have yet to step foot outside of the house. Between nursing a sick child and trying to catch up on housework (which I have decided is a futile endeavor) and trying to get some correcting done, my time has been monopolized. There is no space for a social life right this moment.

I laugh when people say "but Lesley, you need to make sure that you make time for yourself. You come first" because it's a pile of . . . um . . . baloney. If I were to make time for myself and leave my sick child at home, or have a dirty house, or have work half finished, then I'd be selfish, lazy, dirty, etc etc. I don't mind not having time to myself right now, because I know that I'll do SOMETHING for myself down the road. But I certainly don't need people to pressure me to make MYSELF a priority when I'm already working hard at getting all of my other priorities done.

Now, after saying all of that, I probably sound extremely unhappy. I'm not. I'm actually fairly content with my life at this point. Aside from the obvious darkness that settled in when my father died (which will never go away), everything else is fairly good. I enjoy my boys. I find coming home after a stressful day in school, my boys make the stress fizzle away. They take me to the happiest, most contented place that exists for me. I don't mind if being a working mom means that I don't get to do things for myself, I'd rather not sacrifice the little time that I get to spend with the boys now to do things for me anyhow. The thought of a 'weekend away' without the boys is not appealing to me. I hardly see them during the week as it is, the weekend is when I get to spend what little time I can with them! As for my lack on internet time. . . some of that is my own fault. The time I DO get on the internet I usually spend catching up on my stalking of people. By the time I check my 2 email accounts (3 sometimes), get on facebook and check my messages and stalk my friends, I have spent a good 1/2 hour (sometimes more) and there is something urgent that needs my attention (for example, yesterday Isaac got into the food colouring and it was all over him. . . can't write a blog while that's happening!).

Anyhow, basically, this is why I have been non-existent. . . I have become a recluse, totally enveloped in the world of my babies and my classroom. Perhaps I'll make more effort to MAKE time for my blog. However, I wouldn't hold my breath on a new entry every day :)

happy birthday Laura!

I'm taking a step away from the "mommy blog" to wish my baby sister a happy 25th birthday! So. . . Happy Birthday Laura, hope you've had a fabulous day!

Road Trip. . . with two babies. . . yeah. . .

Well, I believe the title says it all. Oh wait, it doesn't tell WHERE the road trip was, which is quite significant. . .

So, we decided that we would take a trip to visit my husband's parents. Now, my in-laws do not live in your average community. My in-laws live in a town called Charlottetown, which is located in the Labrador section of Newfoundland and Labrador, the province in which we live.

Charlottetown is a beautiful community. I just want to make sure that I make that very clear. It's a wonderful town with wonderful people. Now, that being said, it is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. We left our house at 5:30 in the morning to drive to the boat to take us to Labrador. We drove the 2 1/2 hours (or so) to Deer Lake, stopped to eat, and then began the drive from Deer Lake to St. Barbe (up the Northern Peninsula, where we had to catch the ferry). That drive is about 4 hours. We then took the ferry across, which was another 1 1/2 hours. Once we got to Labrador, we drove the beautiful drive through until we got to Red Bay (perhaps another 2 hours. . .give or take). Then we started the drive from Red Bay to Charlotte town. On gravel road. For 3 1/2 hours. On gravel road. With two very tired, very antsy babies. Did I mention it was on gravel road? haha. . . anyhow, after it was all said and done, we arrived in Charlottetown at about 7:30 pm.

This was on Thursday. Yesterday (Tuesday) we left to come back. We left the house at 4:30 am so that we could catch the ferry at 10:30 am. We drove the dirt road. Trust me, I have never in my life been so happy to see pavement! It was CRAZY! Anyhow, by the time we got home yesterday (Brad had to run some business in Deer Lake), it was 9:30 pm. What a horrific day!! But, we made it home. Although, now our children never want to see their car seats again. They were livid when we tried to put them in their seats to run out for a bit today.

It's amazing, though, what you have to consider when travelling with babies. Especially with babies so young, to somewhere so remote. Making sure we have enough formula, enough homogonized milk (we couldn't get any up there), enough diapers. Making sure to allow time to change diapers and to stop and eat. Finding a way to keep the mixed formula cool for the long day, and then trying to find a way to warm the milk when my baby needed it. And trying to pack the vehicle in order to fit everything you need for two babies is a feat in and of itself. Trying to fit two strollers (we have yet to find a suitable double stroller), the playpen, and luggage for the 4 of us. . . not to mention Brad's work supplies and the supplies I had to bring to try to get some work done for me. Obviously, we can't put anything in the back seat, since there are two car seats there already and there needs to be space between them for me when I have to feed Andrew. Thankfully, we had the good sense to buy an SUV in order to pack all of our things in. CRAZY. I remember the days when all we had to do was pack a suitcase each and throw them in the car to go. We won't see those days again for a while.

Despite all of the work, it's a wonderful feeling to put your family in the car and to go on a roadtrip. To have my oldest in the back watching a movie, and my youngest sleeping, with myself and my husband listening to the classics on the ipod in the front. To see my oldest child be so excited about being on the boat and seeing the water, waves, and whales that are inevitable when you take a ferry ride to Labrador. I so look forward to when the boys will actually be able to enjoy things like sight-seeing and museums and other road-trip/vacation type activities. I can't wait until those types of trips become common-place and we can document them in scrapbooks with pictures and stories. . .

Sleepless night. . .

or is it morning? Either way, it's not for the reasons you would think when you have two babies. My babies and husband are slumbering peacefully and quietly in their beds (my oldest in my bed with my husband) while I CANNOT for the life of me get to sleep! Where is the justice? I woke up at about 5 am (maybe earlier, but 5 is when I actually bothered to look at the clock) and could NOT get back to sleep. Since I haven't had time to blog in what feels like a lifetime, I decided perhaps I should take advantage of these moments without children demanding my attention and update. . .

Life had been hectic and crazy. We haven't stopped! From Gander to Deer Lake to Robert's Arm (today), running Kids Rock Camp. . . it's been nuts. The wonderful thing about being so busy, however, is that it knocks the kids right out. I've discovered that while being busy is exhausting for me, it's wonderful to be able to have both kids in bed by 9 and get an hour or two for myself before it's time to go to bed.

One of the hardest parts of being a mom for me is the lack of time to myself. I grew up in a family where time to yourself was a MUST for everybody. We were a family of 4 in a big house that had 4 TVs in different corners. While we spent time together, and were a wonderful family, we also had our own little corner of the house (for myself and my sister, our bedrooms) to which we could go to get our personal alone time. We didn't have issues with reconciling what one liked in opposition to the other. We had our own space to do our own thing/watch our own thing. It was wonderful, really. That quiet time/personal space was such a blessing.

Now, however, life no longer works like that for me. I have two babies that are in high demand of mom's attention, so I can't run off to my room for alone time very often (even though I have made very clear that there MUST be a TV in my bedroom for that purpose). If my husband is watching golf on TV, which drives me MAD, I can't go off to my own corner, because there is somebody who needs me to do something for them. . . always. If somebody is not demanding something, there is something that needs to be done around the house.

Now, my time is consumed of feeding people, cleaning up after people, and entertaining small people. Totally "other" oriented. I don't really have a problem with that as such, my personality is such that I need to take care of people, it's who I am. However there are days when I close my eyes and think back to the days of going to my room, closing my door, and watching tv or reading a book with nobody to disturb me and no stress about what I'm not getting done around the house.

I've come to realize that the problem with adulthood is not necessarily the responsibilites, despite the increase in them. It's that we become more anal about them. 15 years ago, I would not have cared if the house was a mess, or if my room was a mess, while I watched TV. Who cares about the mess? I would have liked my mess. Now? Now if I'm sitting down for any amount of time I feel guilty because there MUST be a bathroom that needs to be cleaned or floors that need to be swept or clothes that need to be washed. Why do we become so anal about everything? Is there REALLY any harm if there are a few crumbs on the floor for a couple of hours (although really, there are permanent crumbs when you have children. . . whether you clean them or not)? I don't know. . . are we justified in being so obsessive about these things?

Anyhow, it's too late to try to get more sleep now. I'll have to sleep on the way to Robert's Arm (if my babies let me). I'm going to go, though, and try to get "things done" before we leave. . . lunches packed, clothes picked out, and somewhere in there I have to find time to get MYSELF ready. . . of course, that comes last. . .


PS. . . we found a baby-sitter for the fall!! Our good friends (who also have a 5 month old daughter) are going to attempt the great feat. . . they (the couple) are going to try to take care of the three children (including their own) while my husband and I are at work. We're so happy that it will be people that we love and trust taking care of our kids. . . such a relief!!

long time, no blog. . .now a working mom!

Life has been super busy. . .

I know, it tends to get that way with two children. However, between the boys, my husband's business trips, Kid's Rock Camp (which I am in the middle of), and my baby's christening, I am pooped!

As if it isn't enough to have two children, I am spending the week at the infamous Camp Emmanuel (at least, infamous to any pentecostal newfoundlander, haha) running, along with two other people, a children's camp. The first half of the week was camp for the western part of our province, and today at 3 registration for the eastern camp begins. So, along with my 2 boys, I now have partial responsibility for hundreds of other children (in total). Crazy? maybe!!

The camp has been awesome, and it never ceases to amaze me how in love with children I am. I love working with them, relating to them, hearing them. I love watching them interact with each other and with the adults around them. Mostly, I love watching them discover new things about God and realizing the importance of Him in their lives. There are many times that I envy them, with their amazing ability to believe and to accept things. I often find myself trying to find remnants of that in my inner core. . . not sure if it exists there anymore.

As a side note: I HAVE A JOB. . . which means that starting the beginning of September, I will be a working mom. Along with my own 2 children, I will have a class of grade 3 students that will also become my own children. . . that I will care for and spend time with. . . that I will connect with and learn with. . . I'm really excited! I feel like I've been waiting forever to have my own classroom and to have my own experience as a teacher. That being said, I feel torn about leaving my boys. I don't mind as much with my oldest, because he's older and he knows the difference between me and other people. I just do NOT want my youngest growing up thinking somebody else is mom, or being more attached with somebody else other than me. I guess it's a matter of playing a balancing act. . . making sure that the time you are at home is quality time with your babies. . . at least that's what I am hoping to attempt.

The wonderful thing is that my husband will probably be able to take care of the babies for at least half a day, so we'll only need a part time baby-sitter. And my position is only 75%, so I'm not sure what that will look like. There may be times that I can be at home. . . which is wonderful. . .

sleep. . . a foreign concept

Sleep: A natural state of bodily rest in which there is a decreased ability to react to stimuli. REGULAR SLEEP IS ESSENTIAL FOR SURVIVAL.

I'm not sure how exactly to get this message across to my oldest child. He is almost 18 months old and is still a HORRIBLE sleeper. As of late, he has been sleeping with us in order for us to maximize sleep hours. However, this has backfired on us. While we get to escape having to wake up and try to get him back in bed (which may take anywhere from 15 - 30 minutes otherwise), we now have to deal with feet, hands, head, and bum in our face, on our head, chest, hips, legs, etc. He is at the head of the bed one moment, and at the foot the next. Then, he decides that neither of those is quite right and it would be better to lay sideways to get sleep. We have a queen sized bed, and our 18 month old son (who is small for his age) takes up about 2/3 of it (if not more). My husband and I, more often than not, end up clinging for dear life to the edge of the bed (my husband sleeps inside so he is protected by the wall, I don't have that luxury, haha). I don't understand the child. How can he function during the day? and then he'll wake up at 9 or 9:30 in the morning REARING to go. . .

What's even MORE frustrating, is when you hear about babies that are 2 months old sleeping RIGHT through the night! I used to get so frustrated with that. . . I couldn't understand why my child wouldn't do that. How is it that one child never sleeps, while other children sleep right through? It's even more frustrating (although, a welcomed change) that my 3 month old child sleeps throught the night better than my 18 month old. My 3 month old goes to bed and will sleep for 6 hours straight (ex. 11 pm until 5 am). How can two siblings be so different?

Apparently, it's a family trait, though. I was a horrible sleeper (and still am, I wake with the least little thing), my cousin used to wake up during the night for a snack until he was 11 years old. . . and then he still woke up, but he just got his own snack! I just don't know what to do about the sleep situation.

I don't think there's any need for him to be waking up during the night. He's only a small boy, and he eats all day long! We've tried the "crying it out" method, but after 4 hours of crying, and not letting up, and throwing up everywhere, we decided that the method just was not going to work with our child. We tried taking his nap from him during the day, and it was even WORSE during the night to keep him asleep.

Ultimately, I keep trying to tell myself that it won't be like this forever. Eventually he'll grow up and I'll probably be wishing that he were sleeping in our bed again, cuddling into us throughout the night. However, lack of sleep is making me a little crazy. I have become forgetful, stun, and ultimately I feel like I'm sleep-walking my way through the days most of the time. My husband is wonderful and we share the load, but that just means that we're BOTH exhausted all of the time.

I love my babies, but I would love to have a little sleep as well, haha. I'm not going to wish my time away, but I refuse to quit trying to find ways to make my sleeping situation better. Feel free to comment and leave suggestions!